I Can't Live With The Pain

[hawkstar]

Nightshade thought about what her life had been full of: heartbreak, death, pain, never happiness. Greencough had wiped out both Shadowstorm and Flowerpool, and Silverblaze had never smiled since. The only reason he survived was because his immune system was so strong from getting sick constantly. Although Sparrowwing had died seasons ago, it felt like only yesterday she had been with him, sharing unforgettable moments with her father. Since his death, Hawkshadow was so much more strict with them, and Nightshade couldn't remember the last time she was happy. Then there was Peachblossom... She was such a beautiful cat, and so sweet, the last cat who deserved heartbreak. But look what had happened to her! Suicide! Silverblaze had been the one to find her, dying in the forest. He was still scared of that particular spot, terrified that he would find Nightshade.

Quietly, she began to whimper. She wanted her family back, and she wanted her past lover. She wanted normality... She nearly jumped out of her fur when she noticed a cat standing over her.

[cedarstorm]

(Hawk, can anyone stand over you? Oh, and there already is a RainClan leader. Her name is Moonstar. XD)

[hawkstar]

(by "stand over," i mean that they were standing next to her but very close and looking down to her.)

[cedarstorm]

(ya but can anyone be there?)

[hawkstar]

(im waiting for them to remove the ban on RainClan cats. Rainy was going to make Hawktalon jump in and save the day, but they wont let her make him RainClan)

[::Key::Lime/\RainyC::]

(they will now!)

A dark figure fell over the black she-cat. He wore a little smile on his face. "I'm sorry Nightshade, did I frighten you?" It was a brown tabby tom with dark green eyes his smile was swiped off his face as fast as it appeared. He stared down at her thoughtfully, Nightshade looked depressed, like she had been for a while since a big part of her kin had gone to StarClan. "You okay?" He scanned her face and thought a little of her past. Her dead family and her sorrow, it would've been too much if it would've been him in her place. The tom looked down at her in pity and flicked his tail over the tip of her ear. Then he sat down beside her, about a mouse length away from the she-cat's own body. "It's alright" He meowed with a hint of a purr in his tone, just enough to try and perk her up.

[hawkstar]

Nightshade almost threw herself at the tom next to her, happy he was there. Instead, she buried her face in his shoulder fur and sobbed. If only her siblings and father were here... Life might have more meaning. She wanted to join StarClan and be with her lost family, but she vowed she wouldn't give up on life after Peachblossom. Plus, if she left Silverblaze and Hawkshadow, they would be in even worse shape. Hawkshadow could barely wake up in the morning and Silverblaze didn't believe in StarClan, so he was always hit hardest. To him, there was nothing after death. StarClan couldn't visit him in dreams since he was not a believer, so he would never again see Sparrowwing, Peachblossom, Flowerpool, or Shadowstorm. He was so sad all the time.
"I just want my family back..." Nightshade whimpered through her friend's fur. "Peachblossom wasn't just my sister, she was my best friend. And Silverblaze who found her... He has never gone to that part of the forest since! He doesn't want to find me there."

[::Key::Lime/\RainyC::]

Hawktalon licked her ear and wrapped his tail around her. He knew it was hard, Hawktalon would've taken her place to save her the pain anytime. He let her cry on his shoulder, it was sort of sweet. If she wasn't crying over her dead kin. "I know" He meowed into her fur. "And I know you'd do anything to get them back." He tried to find words to calm her but Hawktalon knew somehow that after she cried it out she would decide if she wanted to talk. He remembered her father, Sparrowwing, such a nice tom, and her brother, still alive but not very lively, Silverblaze. Silverblaze was his own first apprentice, such a cheery young cat, messed up when he found his dead sister most likely.

(I'm just remembering the last rp site, that's okay right?)

[cedarstorm]

Swiftcreek was dreaming. She was chasing her son through the forest, calling out his name. But he was smaller, almost an apprentice. "Mintkit!" she wailed. "Mintkit!"
The kit looked back, waved his tail, and sprinted forward. Suddenly he was larger, an apprentice. He was bounding through the undergrowth, but it was like water, splashing all around him. Swiftcreek rushed forward, trying to get to him, and he stopped. She ran into him- no, through him. He was the water. Then the apprentice rose into the air and poured down like rain.
"I am rain," he meowed. It wasn't just his voice, it was many, many cats saying it in harmony, singing the words. The wonder of it took Swiftcreek's breath away. "I am the water, slipping through your paws, but leaving them changed and filled with knowledge."
"Why are you the rain?" Swiftcreek cried. "Why are you the water, my son?"
Her voice echoed, and she woke, reluctantly, to the sound of sobbing.
At first she thought it as her sobbing, but it was Nightshade's.
Swiftcreek raised her head from her paws, bleary-eyed and drowsy. "You all right there, Nightshade?" she yawned. She thought about the dream. Can Mintfur really do all that? Can he change the ways of the Clans forever?

(word count: 220)

[hawkstar]

(@rainy: yep)

Nightshade looked over at Swiftcreek.
"No, I'm not OK..."
She pressed her nose back into Hawktalon's shoulder and continued her sobbing. Her ear twitched when she heard a fourth cat enter the den. Pulling her nose out just enough to catch the scent, she realized it was her brother. He wasn't bouncing off the walls or talking nonstop like he used to... Before he found Peachblossom...
"Hey Night..." he mewed, not even bothering to finish his sister's name. Nightshade realized he had changed so much more than she thought. He hadn't eaten in days either. "Oh, Hawktalon. Haven't seen you in a while." Silverblaze crouched down on his sister's other side, licking her nose.
"Silverblaze sweetie, go eat something," Nightshade groaned, just barely forcing her face out of Hawktalon's fur. "It's been nearly three days. It isn't healthy to go that long without food."

[cedarstorm]

"It's been nearly three days. It isn't healthy to go that long without food."

Swiftcreek barely heard Nightshade talking to Silverblaze. She was still half-asleep. After a few seconds, she realized what Nightshade had said, and looked at Silverblaze. She narrowed her electic blue eyes and studied Silverblaze. Swiftcreek twitched her black-tipped tail.
"Go eat something, Silverblaze," she meowed, smiling a little. "A little bit of fresh-kill at a time, okay? If you eat too fast, you're gonna damage your belly." Swiftcreek grinned to herself. Since when have I become the medicine cat? she thought.

[hawkstar]

"Well why doesn't you StarClan make me eat something?!" he snapped. "If they're sooooo concerned with the well-being of the clans, why don't they-"
"Silverblaze shut up!" Nightshade snapped back.
"Make me!"
Oh my, what am I doing?! he thought, fury still burning in his amber eyes. This is Nightshade! My sister, and the only friend I have left.
"This is why Falconwing can't stand you," Nightshade explained, calming down. Silverblaze let his rage die, turning it to sadness. "I know you don't believe, but please. It's the only thing many of us have left. It's the only way to communicate with Sparrowwing, Peachblossom, Flowerpool, and Shadowstorm."
Silverblaze flopped himself down, making a soft thud when he hit the ground. His eyes, so long had they been dry, now shed a tear. It had been so many seasons since he had cried. He was a kit the last time he had.
"It should have been me," he mumbled. "If StarClan wanted me to believe, they would have taken me to join them, not Flowerpool and Shadowstorm."

[cedarstorm]

"If StarClan wanted me to believe, they would have taken me to join them, not Flowerpool and Shadowstorm."

Swiftcreek looked sternly at Silverblaze. "No," she meowed, standing up and putting her tail on his shoulder. "It is not StarClan's fault that they died. Flowerpool, Shadowstorm and Peachblossom still watch over you from Silverpelt. Blaming StarClan won't make them come back. You must honor them by keeping strong." Swiftcreek licked his ear. "That includes eating, Silverblaze," she finished.
Swiftcreek had said these words not only to comfort Silverblaze, but to comfort herself. It had been several seasons since Duskbreeze had been killed, but the empty space in Swiftcreek's heart still hadn't healed. Mintfur was all she had left.

[hawkstar]

Silverblaze sighed.
"Call Silverpelt whatever you want," he began, his voice very calm, "but to me, it's just a band of stars." He stood up and walked away, head and tail down.
"I'm sorry my brother is like that," Nightshade said to Swiftcreek. "He hasn't been the same since..." She gasped for a breath. "...since finding Peachblossom. He blames himself for not getting to her before she could..." She couldn't finish her own sentence. The pain of old memories was too strong for her to speak of. Peachblossom was her best friend as well as her sister. Their family had been torn to shreds, and who was to say it would stop here? Hawkshadow was always right on the edge now. Nightshade was scared she would go looking for a fight and end up killed or banished. Silverblaze was thrown into deep depression. No one had ever seen him so sad, but Nightshade knew he was the type to take drastic action. She was terrified he would commit suicide too, or do something dangerous. He had found discarded Twoleg food leftovers before, and he could find them again. It would most definitely harm him. Or he could find catnip and take it in excessive amounts. Either way, he would just want that "high" feeling.
And what about what Nightshade herself would do? What would she do to escape the pain? Not suicide... Not after her sister... Could she fill her time with kits maybe? But then again, with whom? And her family was known for heartbreak... The kits and her mate would probably die...

[cedarstorm]

"He blames himself for not getting to her before she could..."

Swiftcreek gazed into Nightshade's eyes. "I understand," she mewed. A sudden wave of greif caught in her throught, burning like a flame. She couldn't explain how she understood Nightshade with words. There was just no way. Seeing the sad face of Nightshade was just heartbreaking. She didn't deserve this. Nor did Silverblaze. Swiftcreek sighed, ruffling her own pelt with her breath. "You shouldn't have to go through this..." she murmured, looking back up at Nightshade. "None of you do." She closed her blue eyes and raised her head, praying to StarClan that things would get better.